Marriage

The most important relationship in your life will be with your spouse. When a couple is married their fist family system’s task is to build a boundary around their relationship. This can be a difficult task for some, if one or both members of the relationship are enmeshed with one or both of their parents. This process can take anywhere from one to seven years.

All newly married couples will carry an “exit card”,  for the first seven years of marriage. Eventually the couple needs to make the decision, to leave or stay in the marriage. Once the decision to stay is made and the “exit card” is off of the table, the relationship will move forward.

Every seven years (seven, fourteen, twenty one years), most relationships will encounter an issue or two.

The relationship, the in-between is what matters in the marriage, not the individuals in the relationship. The relationship is the sacred space the in-between, and needs to be treated as such. Everything the individuals’ say and or do must always be for the “good of the relationship”.

The relationship cannot tolerate: (not in any specific order)

treating your partner unkindly
the word divorce
a bad mood
an untreated mental illness
an untreated addiction
a bad day at work
PMS
Menopause
texting another man/women
inappropriate behavior on social media
affairs, physical/emotional
putting another person and or thing first, for example:

children
parents
siblings
work
friends
hobbies

All you say and all you do must always be for the good of the relationship. When you are not sure if you are treating the relationship as something sacred, simply ask yourself, will this add positive or negative energy to the relationship?

One must always treat the other with kindness. Before speaking to your partner, put your thoughts through “the relationship filter” making sure the words flowing out of your month have a kind tone. This will take practice, but like anything else the more you do it the easier it will become. Know that just because you have a thought in your head, it need not come out of you mouth!

The relationship must always come first, before your family of origin, your children, your work, and your friends. If one can accomplish this task, you will have a happy, healthy marriage!